Boundariesadvanced
The "Just Joking" Colleague
Someone makes comments that cross the line and hides behind humor.
Practice this out loud, free
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The situation
A colleague makes sarcastic, sometimes personal comments in meetings and follows up with "just kidding." The comments are often about my work style or decisions. Others laugh along. I need to address this directly without being labeled as someone who "can't take a joke."
Who you will be talking to: Limit-Testing Colleague
They'll be charming and may laugh it off or minimize what they're doing. Expect plausible deniability ("I was just joking"), social pressure, and testing whether you'll hold firm.
What tends to work
- Be direct about the boundary — charm shouldn't soften your "no"
- Don't explain or justify your boundary more than once
- Watch for them reframing your boundary as you being "difficult" or "uptight"
One way to open: “I need to be straightforward about something that's been happening, because I don't think hints are getting through.”
Say it out loud, then see what you said
Reading about a hard conversation is not the same as having it. You talk to an AI counterpart by voice, like a phone call, and afterwards get a scorecard that quotes your own words: what helped, and what to try next time.